Every year, a friend of mine chooses a word that best reflects the trajectory they want to be on in the following year. They align themselves with this theme: every choice, every memory, and every thought moves with my friend along that manifested trajectory.
In 2019, I chose the word healing. At the time, I was going through the aftermath of a breakup: the era in which one re-discovers independence and what it means to love oneself and those around them. And I wanted to heal so fucking badly.
And that’s what I did.
I fell off the last 2 years because of obvious events and it became difficult adopting habits that aligned with a theme, but contradicted immediate pleasures. I also couldn’t find a word that best encapsulated what I wanted for myself. Honestly, I just wanted to get through undergrad and graduate.
Cut to my favorite show
As many people may know, I adore HBO Max and Issa Rae’s Insecure. You can read about it here. But, to not spoil anything for y’all, it’s a 5-season show that traces the relationship of two best friends. The show frames LA in the most beautiful way, and the two best friends — Molly and Issa — are the best friends I fell in love with. They’re the best friends that showed me what friendship looked like and really illuminated the friendships I treasure.
There was an episode (Season 5, Episode 1), where Molly and Issa are re-visiting their friendship after a long and tumultuous Season 4. Season 4 revealed the limits and boundaries their personalities were willing to push and clash. But the top of Season 5 brought them together.
At the end of “Reunited, Okay?!”, Issa expresses to Molly that she doesn’t want to focus on where she’s not — she just wants to move forward as if she has all the time in the world to explore and live.
It was that word that really spoke to me as I let the episode play in the bathroom, listening while putting on hyaluronic acid serum on my face. That word tapped something inside my heart, mind, and soul. Forward.
A word with many meanings
When I first told my friend mentioned in the beginning of this story, about the word, he definitely replied, “Which one?”
By the spelling, you know I wasn’t talking about “foreward,” or the short/long paragraph(s) in the beginning of a book. I was talking about forward, or relating to motion.
I’m talking about moving forward. I’m picturing making choices that are in the interest of moving forward, using what I know and learned to make choices out of love. In moving forward, I want to feel connected to my friends, my family, my loved ones, and the world around me. I want to feel confident in my body, and in moving forward, I’m letting go of habits that pulled me back. I’m choosing to see how far my body goes, no matter how much I don’t want to go to the gym or eat after 8 PM.
When I move forward, I am acknowledging that no matter where I go, where I end up, or what choices I make, I am moving in a direction, which is better than no direction. That’s what 2021 felt like — I was moving in no direction and I felt like I couldn’t make a choice without hurting those around me.
As I move forward, I am growing and changing. I am acknowledging my growth and where I’m headed. These are the sentiments I’m taking with me as I enter 2022.
To double down on the theme of the year, it’s also the Year of the Tiger (aka ME) and my magic year (When I turn 24 on the 24th — shoutout to Kobe). I am very optimistic about this year. I have hope, coupled with faith, that it’s where I’m re-claiming what it feels like to be myself, again. I believe that this year is going to be abundant for all of us, regardless of what your horoscopes or tarot cards say.
Okay, maybe this is a foreward
As extra as my friend might be, my theme word is definitely a double entendre. This letter does feel like a foreward to a new season in my life. It’s the reminder that this is the word that best captures what I want my year to look like. To move forward is surrender to the Universe in order to receive all that I’ve manifested all my life.
Cheers —
to new beginnings, and beautiful starts,
to moving forward with an open heart.
xx Jai.
